trapped.

Crap job.

Girl I love, but don't want.

Apartment that is too suburban chic.

Job I hate; but then, I've hated every job. They either overestimate or underestimate me, and I consistently get fuct.

Car I can't afford and want nothing more than to get rid of. That fucking car is ruining me, and I can't get rid of it. It's not even in my posession now, a "Friend" was going to fix it, a month ago. Haven't seen it since. In the meantime, I have payments; I have a big black dude that wants to repo it.

My only hope was college. that's a wash.

Failing out of school. Can't hold down a job. A girl that thinks she loves me, but a relationship that's falling apart at the seams. Financial failure.

Loser.

I wish I had a gun. I don't have the balls to cut myself deep enough. I've tried; all I got was scars. I should've done the deed in the desert. Christ knows I had enough opportunities, enough motivation, then.

I want to know how this story ends. I don't want it to be a suicide. But with each passing day, I become more and more bored with the story, and just want it the fuck over with already.

I wish I had a gun. It wouldn't be a pretty ending, but at least it would be an ending.